10 Kalimat Yang Diucapkan Perempuan Ketika Menolak Cinta

1. Kamu sudah kuanggap sebagai kakak. (Kamu mengingatkanku pada Mandra)
2. Beda usia kita terlalu jauh. (Aku tidak ingin kamu menjadi bapakku)
3. Aku tidak tertarik padamu bukan karena penampilanmu. (Kamu lelaki terjelek yang pernah kukenal)
4. Hidupku sedang kacau sekarang. (Aku tidak ingin kamu mengetahui teman-teman kencanku yang lain)
5. Aku sudah punya pacar. (Aku lebih suka main dengan kucing jantanku)
6. Aku tidak suka kencan dengan teman sekantor. (Aku berharap kamu kerja di lain kantor, tapi masih satu gedung)
7. Bukan karena kamu kok, tapi aku. (Kamu kok penyebabnya)
8. Aku ingin berkonsentrasi pada karir. (Walaupun pekerjaanku kadang membosankan, tapi masih lebih baik daripada berkencan denganmu)
9. Aku masih ingin sendiri. (Kamu lelaki paling menyebalkan)
10. Kita berteman aja ya. (Agar kamu tahu betapa banyaknya lelaki yang menginginkanku)

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Commandment

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But, so are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word
you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 1000 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the
man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the
woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they
both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble
starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matters of chemistry, that is why
wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Bonus Commandment story.
A long - married couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too.
But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife
was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "Wow! This stuff really works!"

Pregnant

In a second grade sex education class,
Little Girl :"Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"
Teacher :" How old is your mother?"
Little Girl :" Forty."
Teacher : " Yes, Your mother could get pregnant."
Little Girl : " Can my big sister get pregnant?"
Teacher :" How old is your sister?"
Little Girl : " Nineteen."
Teacher :" Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
Little Girl :" Can I get pregnant?"
Teacher :" How old are you?"
Little Girl :" I'm seven years old."
Teacher :" No, you can't get pregnant."

The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says
"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."

School Jokes

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!"


The teacher came up with a good problem.
"Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"


Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Paddy: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!